Japanese Folklore: The Princess Peony

Do you know the tale of Princess Peony?

As much as it seems an exotic ancient story of a young woman’s love for a stranger, it holds more truth for us today than we realize.

But before we delve into life lessons, let’s recap this Japanese folktale.

The Tale of Princess Peony

It goes like this…

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young woman who was the daughter of a wealthy, widowed landowner. Her name was Princess Aya, and she was raised in a sprawling castle surrounded by elegant gardens.

The noble widower’s province was peaceful, and the inhabitants were delighted with their sovereign. When he announced that the time had come for the princess to marry, everyone was overjoyed. Everyone that is, except Princess Aya.

It wasn’t long before her father announced the betrothal of Princess Aya to the second son of Lord Ako. They were from a good and influential family that had no blemish of scandal, but Princess Aya wasn’t convinced.

Thoughts about her prospective bridegroom flooded her mind, and she wondered how he looked, if he was kind and if they’d be happy.

On an evening just before the wedding, the princess strolled through the impressive gardens to a pond surrounded by peonies. As she breathed in their scent and beauty, she stumbled and was destined to fall into the water. Her maids jumped to help her, but before they could reach her, she was caught by a dashing and handsome young samurai wearing robes with a peony pattern.

It happened so fast that her maids didn’t get a proper look at him, but Princess Aya did. She was instantly smitten by desire and infatuation. Fearing her father would have the estate searched and the samurai beheaded for trespassing, the princess swore her maids to secrecy.

A few days after the incident, Princess Aya fell ill and progressively worsened. Doctors couldn’t diagnose her condition, and her father became increasingly concerned.

Driven by loyalty to her princess, one of the maids stepped forward, breaking her oath of secrecy, and told of the handsome samurai and the princess’ love for him.

Aya’s bed was taken to the pond, and as musicians played, the samurai appeared for all to see. A plan was quickly hatched to catch him, and the following evening, a guard dressed in black hid at the water’s edge. Again the musicians played, and the samurai appeared, looking longingly at the princess.

In a flash, the guard grabbed hold of him and wrestled him to the ground, but he was overcome by a sweet fragrance. When he regained consciousness, the samurai had disappeared and what was left in the guard’s hands was a large, sweet-scented peony.

The peony was given to Princess Aya to keep next to her bed. She gently nurtured the flower, and as it flourished, she started to get better.

The wedding plans continued, and Lord Ako and his son arrived before long.

But as the wedding vows were exchanged, the beautiful fragrant peony wilted and died.

From then on, Princess Aya was called Princess Peony.

And she and her husband lived happily ever after…

What’s the Moral of the Story?

Although this sounds like a typical fairy tale, its wisdom is as relevant today as it was back then.

Infatuation isn’t love, although it can feel that way because it’s so intense.

The peony-clad samurai was handsome, intriguing, and exciting to Aya. He conjured up enthralling images of love, lust, and a life of adventure. On the other hand, her betrothed was likely stable, dedicated to his roles, and, therefore, somewhat dull to the young princess.

What’s critical here is that Aya never actually experienced the samurai’s excitement first hand, and he came and went at will. On the contrary, she became sick and put her life and all other plans on hold to wait and wish her dreams would come true.

Was the dashing samurai the one that got away?

No – not at all. He was to Aya what she wanted him to be, not what he was. In her infatuation, she made him the man of her wildest dreams. But, in all honesty, he didn’t really contribute to that image.

We can get swept off our feet by infatuation, but infatuation isn’t real love. It’s a rush of hormones triggered by sexual attraction to someone we often barely know. Because they’ve become the object of our longing and passion, we then fill in all the missing bits of reality by dreaming of them becoming our ideal partners.

We frequently choose to overlook any shortcomings or that they’re not as interested in us as we are in them. In our minds, they get all the qualities we admire, long for, and even think we don’t deserve. We make them perfect and convince ourselves it’s love.

Is Our Love Doomed?

Most probably!

In some cases, infatuation can grow into love if both partners are equally interested and well-matched.

Other times, it could be a perfect match, but at the wrong time, and the right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing.

Or it’s all hormones and sexual attraction. Whether we do or don’t have a roll in the hay, the relationship is destined to go nowhere because we’re mismatched at a deeper level.

It’s all a rather painful learning curve if we’re the one who’s more involved than the other. It can get worse still if we cling on and put our life on hold, waiting for our dreams to manifest into reality.

In the End…

If you get caught up in infatuation and desire and things start heading south, take a deep breath and step back.

Make a list of how you see your partner and your expectations.

Then have the courage to list the realities and facts without making excuses or minimizing anything.

Bow out with grace if the two lists aren’t a minimum 90% correlation.

While 90% may seem steep, good relationships are based on shared values, morals, goals, and understanding. Both partners have an equal vested interest in the relationship, and differences are resolved through open communication, not passionate sex.

Are you chasing the exciting, ghostlike samurai at the expense of someone practical, reliable, and dedicated, even if rather boring?